“We are going to die!”
My brother nearly got us killed on Sunday when we were driving back from Vallejo. The GPS apparently does not know that Shell gas station is now a Chevron… Anyways, so we have to turn around on this two lane highway with no center divider, and my brother doesnt quite make the turn… so we are wedged halfway between one side of the highway and the other. I see headlights coming from either direction and all I could say was:
“We are going to die!!”
Luckilly the cars coming towards us decided to brake.
Add a comment February 22, 2011
A Revolutionary Company
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Add a comment April 26, 2010
Appaled and Amused
My dad smashed a toilet today.
There I was, sitting in my trailer, when I heard a low crashing sound
Afraid that perhaps my grandfather had fallen, even to his death
I rushed outside
only to find that my father was having the time of his life
smashing a toilet
and shouting “Yahoo!” with the crash of the sledgehammer. Oh yes,
I am NOT kidding.
Add a comment April 12, 2010
Venting to the Chaotic World of Cyber Space
Is it selfish to vent about frustrations in life? Does being depressed mean I am necessarily unhappy or resentful of others? First of all, I am happy for all of them; truly I am; and I know that both couples are right for eachother and love God, and my congrats to them. Secondly, life goes on when you move away. Friends go on, doing their own things, living their own lives…and so do I. Is it wrong to pine slightly for the past, while yet enjoying the present?
The Lord knows the plans He has for each of us. Who am I to be depressed and my soul to be downcast? What right do I have to be resentful of the way my life is? Naturally, everything within me wants to just cry and mope and say that everything is unfair… but that would be doing an injustice to God, who so graciously gives me life and a blessed hope. With knowing that fact, why then do I still give in to bitterness?
Add a comment March 7, 2010
Rain and Emotions
Why does the rain allow our emotions to become dreary? Why do I grow depressed just thinking about it? I feel as though I ought to crawl in bed and forget about everything, but yet I must carry on.
Add a comment January 19, 2010
Plan of Action for the next 6 months
February 1st-April 30th- Norcal, hopefully with a job, saving money, doing side guitar tutoring, and ministering at a church.
April 30th-May 2nd-CBU graduation!!
May 3rd-June ?-back home again
Cruise at end of June?
Add a comment January 18, 2010
Jobs and other things in NorCal
I guess I need to keep trying at Wells Fargo. They keep telling me that other candidates are better suited, but whatever, I will keep trying.
I have an interview at Safeway on February 1st, so that is good. I guess I can try at other retail stores: Disney Store, Michael’s etc. I havent officially been let go from Disney Store down here, but I am sure that they will soon. I get no hours.
I am also going to start advertising for guitar right when I get there. I can ask coffee shops and local churches if they would let me post a flyer for free. I am not going to even bother with Craig’s list; too much spam!!
In addition, I am going to try out Grace Bible Church, where Winston likes to go. Perhaps they have need of someone in their children’s ministry or music ministry. Either way, I want to be involved. Perhaps I will try to play songs at coffee shops in town too. I really don’t have any decent CDs to sell, but I can advertise guitar lessons and special music as well. I wonder what is going on with the Copyright thing. I had that done back in October, what is taking so long?!
Anyways, it helps to have a plan so I don’t get depressed. Hopefully I will have a job within a week of moving (two weeks max!), and make some friends. I can’t stand sitting around being depressed. I have been doing that since June (off and on). It is time to move on!
Of course, it would help if I exercised more and read the Bible more too. Daily disciple and Spiritual Discipline should go hand in hand. So I need to work on that more. Hopefully some accountability with family when I move (ie; Mom walking with me, Winston biking with me; or something).
Add a comment January 15, 2010
The Beginning and The End perhaps?
Yesterday I finally made the decision about what I was going to do. Everything had finally come to a dramatic head and I am now moving back in with my parents in less then three weeks. I feel at peace about this decision and that it is right, but something inside me is wanting to kill me and everything.
The last three years have been my years of growing spiritually and mentally. They have been my growing up years; of finding out who I am and who God is. I have been learning about independence from my childhood state, but also dependence on God.
But now that must end or be put on hold. I feel like I am going back in time to where I was four years ago: living at home, working, having little friends. I don’t know too many people up there to be honest. There are a few girls I know at my parent’s church, but that is about it. And they are a bit younger than me too.
I know this is right. I have felt peace but something wants to fight against it, to make me doubt this. I have to save money with the hopes that Andrew and I will get married. I want that so much. But once again, it is not about what I want, but what God wants.
So in order to stay sane, I must plan the things I will do once I make the move. Number one: seek out jobs every single day and get interviews. Number two: find a nice church to fellowship at and be a part of worship in some capacity. Number three: advertise guitar lessons as much as possible. These three things I must do, as well as have devotional time every day.
Add a comment January 13, 2010
Where Do I Belong
I have now reached a point where I am asking myself this question.
The past three years has been about me discovering who I am and where I belong. For nineteen and a half years, it was with my family. I often felt like I was the odd ball child because I was independent and had differing ideas than the parents. In spite of that, I felt like I belonged with them. When I went to CBU down south I struggled with finding my purpose in a new world, but yet was thrilled with being on my own.
But now it has come to the point where it is likely that I will have to move back. It has been over three years since I lived with my family. Changes have come to them and to me. They are used to the way they live with eachother… without me there…
How will this work out? Will we fight like we used to? Will I be told “You don’t understand… you haven’t lived here in awhile… you don’t know what it’s like!” Will there be mutual respect and understanding? And how do I move on from living here all these years?
I just recently began to feel like I belonged. I have a wonderful church that I love serving at. The kids know me and I have three guitar students and a possible fourth, and now it all must be ended or put on hold because I can’t find a decent job to help pay rent. Not to mention I ow over $650 in loans every single month. And on an income that barely pays for gas and some food. So yeah, I am a bit frustrated.
Do I trust God? Yes I do. I know He has a plan. But still, I am frustrated. Why would he allow me to have all these guitar students and to greatly enjoy giving lessons, and have a great church, friends, and my wonderful boyfriend, and then say: “Sorry, you need to leave all that behind.” Do I sound selfish? Probably yes. I guess the main thing is that I love comfort and stability. I like to be in a place where I feel accepted and respected. I also like peace of mind and a stress free environment. The place I am renting from is not a stress free environment. It is a strange and awkward place. It is a beautiful home and they have a family and here I am living here, disrupting their quiet, structured lives. I can’t even eat in the kitchen because they have family dinner together.
I miss the family meals together. Yes my family is dysfunctional. I love them all the same. And it is hard eating with my bf’s family at times. Not because they are unaccepting, because they have been the most caring and accepting people I have known down here, but because I want a family of my own. And so, I have thought about marriage a lot. But then I realize that while that may seem an easy way out, it is certainly not something we are ready for. And so, I long for my family again. Yet at the same time, I know there is already a foursome living at their tiny house and the two dogs…. it will be an insane life.
I will have to start over. Find a new church, try to build clientele, make friends (because I really don’t have any up there), et cetera. I am willing to do this, but there may be many nights of tears. I love my family and miss them terribly. It would be nice to see them again. Even if we have to fight a lot like we used to. I have no idea what to expect. It could be completely different then three years ago. I do not know. I just don’t know.
Add a comment January 9, 2010
The Laughingstock 